yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
