I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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