I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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