I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
