i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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