so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
