Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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