Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
