1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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