Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
