I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
