So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
only you would photoshop your dick
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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