My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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