well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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