I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
