Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
