the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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