I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
