he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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