billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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