lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
