some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
