I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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