i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
