hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Couch. On fire.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
