but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
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That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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