he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
