I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
