the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
