first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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