We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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