her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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