Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
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Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Damn victory sex feels great
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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