i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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