At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
