Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
