Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
