so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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