then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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