can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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