just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
