I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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