she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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