I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
