6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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