omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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