I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
