my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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