Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
