I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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