Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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