Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
