Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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