It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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