I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
All the doctor said was why
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