well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How does one acquire holy water?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
