the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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