If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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