when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
