I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
