just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
