He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
