So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
