Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was like eating out sand paper
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
