Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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