did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
