Im at strip club and am horny
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
